A Knock on the Head

I had gone to visit the world famous Ajanta and Ellora caves in Maharashtra recently. I took a conducted tour in a bus, which took me to Ellora, and thereafter to the Grashneshwar Verul Jyotiralinga nearby.

The guide, a deeply religious man, had a quick darshan and then stood near the gate to help the passengers. The gate was only three feet high and one had to bend considerably to get into the compound of the temple. Sir, have you had the darshan? He asked me politely. No, I replied and added rudely, and nor do I have an intention of doing so. He was taken aback. Let me explain, I said, and told him my story of how cruel cancer had crippled, chewed and killed in slow motion my deeply devout and religious wife. I lost faith in God the day she died, I told him. He listened quietly and did not utter a word or show any emotion.

I soon realised that I had got carried away with the self-pity of one wronged. So I tried to draw him into a conversation and asked 'What is it that you asked for
from God when you had the darshan'? I prayed for 'moksha', was his short reply. And what is 'moksha', I persisted. It is the deliverance from the cycle of births and deaths, he explained. I again took an aggressive anti-view and added that I would like to be born again. Again and again. For 84 lakh times. And experience the happiness and sadness, excitements and disappointments of life, in whichever lifeform I am. I do not want to run away from the world. Who wants 'Moksha'? Not me. I said somewhat arrogantly. And then suddenly we spotted the other passengers of the tour-bus approaching the gate and our uneasy conversation was cut abruptly.

I moved towards the gate to leave the compound. Suddenly three persons came from behind and wanted to cross the gate ahead of me. I obstructed them with my arm and told them sternly that I was ahead of them. All right, you go first, was the curt reply of one of them. As I rushed out of the gate, my head hit it with a bang. The knock was so hard that my head reeled and thought I was going to faint. However, I recovered, and feeling blank, moved towards our bus.

Was it just a curious coincidence? Or an incident attributable to my arrogance, which so diverted my mind that, I became blind to the existence of reality? Or literally a quick knock on my head by Lord Shiva to put me on the right path?

I don't really know!